Coffee Culture

Robb Quast

Coffee is certainly KING in the wide, wide world of beverages. Budweiser, Coke, wine and even beer, all take the plunge when compared to the immense volume of coffee consumption. Americans alone drink an astounding ocean of coffee at the rate of 400 million cups a day. That means that over 3.6 billion gallons of java juice are sipped and savored by the human melting pot of this nation.

Let's face it, there would be a very big problem if Martians came down and took away everybody's coffee one morning. Just think what would happen if people could not have their coffee. Lattes, cappuccinos, dopios, regular-- not available. "Sorry, we are out of coffee." Radio talk show hosts would collapse and die, telemarketers and bloggers would too, and business as we know it would cease to function. The Stock Exchange would close for good. The President would declare a National Emergency. Civil war might even break out and people would be screaming and yelling their heads off from terrible withdrawal. Where the Hell is my Coffee! Prozac would be handed out to everyone and at least half of the country would have a nervous breakdown.